As of this week I have officially been out a year! Weird! Thursday was my year mark, and it was actually one of the hardest days of my mission. I hardly ever complain, especially on the blog, but this week I feel like it's important for you to see the "real me", and it will also help me explain another powerful experience I had later in the week.
Last week was really a struggle for me. I've been feeling like I haven't been having as much "joy" in the work, or as much fun as I did in the first part of my mission. I haven't given up at all, but recently I've felt like I've just been going through the motions of tracting, contacting people, studying, teaching, etc. It's really taken a toll on me emotionally and was starting to wear me down. Thursday we had zone conference and our trainings were perfect for me! Although... it led to a bit of a "breakdown" later in the evening when my thoughts and feelings overwhelmed what my brain and spirit could handle. I was able to talk about some of the problems with my companion (besides Heavenly Father I don't really have anyone else to talk to about these things!), and that helped me a lot.
What helped me more was one of the most tender experiences of my life... The next morning in personal study after I finished reading the Book of Mormon I decided to pick up my reading in Doctrine & Covenants instead of continuing my usual path to the New Testament or another topic. I was on D&C 6, and what I learned is that that chapter was written for me. I have had experiences in the past when I've read in the scriptures something that I needed to read, but I have never felt so strongly that my Heavenly Father was speaking directly to me. As I read the section I literally felt that I could hear His voice telling me the words that he wanted me, his daughter, to hear. Verse 16 says :"Yea, I tell thee, that thou mayest know that there is none else save God that knowest thy thoughts and the intents of thy heart." Then to prove it the verses that followed spoke directly to the thoughts and intents of my heart - there were several verses that answered exactly my doubts and concerns.
The verse that stuck out to me at the end of the section was the promise of obtaining joy in missionary work, something that (as I mentioned) I have specifically been struggling with. The promise was an exact answer to the question that has been in my heart. I was reminded of my knowledge that there is joy in this work, and that it only comes after we have labored with great diligence. I was also reminded of a verse in Alma: "this is the account of Ammon and his brethren, their journeyings in the land of Nephi, their sufferings in the land, their sorrows, and their afflictions, and their incomprehensible joy, and the reception and safety of the brethren in the land of Jershon." Yes, there are many sufferings, sorrows, and afflictions in this work, but the joy it brings is literally incomprehensible. I too rejoice in "the reception and safety of my brethren" to the kingdom of our Heavenly Father.
This section and the fact that I read it the day that I most needed it was a tender mercy of the Lord. I know that as I labor diligently and faithfully I truly do experience that level of joy. Especially as I testify of my Savior, and see how that changes attitudes and lives I am filled with the love of God and a joy that I can not describe with words. I testify that our loving Heavenly Father knows and loves all of His children, and His Son Jesus Christ "suffered for all" to help us on an individual level. As we keep our part of the promise, He will bless us with His. His promise includes joy in this life, and an even greater eternal joy in the life to come.
Love always,
Hermana Richelle Ouellette
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